In her newest album, folklore, Taylor Swift presents a trio of songs that she calls the "Teenage Love Triangle". These songs, "cardigan", "betty", and "august", are each sung from a different character's point of view about the relationships within the triangle.
In the song "august" one character sings:
Back when we were still changing for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say "Meet me behind the mall"
So much for summer love, and saying "Us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose.
In this particular song, the narrator is "the other woman" in The Teenage Love Triangle, yet as I listened to these lyrics in particular, I couldn't help but resonate with the pulsating rush of infatuation. It took me back to when I was naïve and nineteen, "still changing for the better" and living for sun-drenched dreams of romance and fairytales.
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"It's your freshman year, and you're gonna be here, for the next four years in this town."
Taylor Swift sings these lyrics on the song 'Fifteen', the second track on her second album Fearless. It's one of the examples of writing that I like to think about whenever anyone accuses Taylor's music of being singular in focus; that she *only* writes about the boys who broke her heart. This song, much like others in Ms. Swift's collection is autobiographical, but instead of naming names and seeking revenge, she's simply giving us a picture of her high school experience that is both personal and universally applicable to the challenges of being fifteen and the crushing blows of a first love gone wrong. In this song, she speaks to the loss of virginity ("And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind. And we both cried.") and identity crisis ("I find time can heal most anything. And you might find who you're supposed to be." ). I remember what it felt like to sit with girlfriends as they shared stories of first sexual experiences, and of course, holding closely to my dear friend, Aaron, who was struggling with every ounce of his identity.
Taylor Swift released her second studio album, Fearless, in November of 2008. I was nineteen years old, and in my freshman year at Calvin College.
I struggled with leaving high school behind me. The loss of that familiarity sent me into my own depression, one from which I didn't have the tools to come out of readily, or the knowledge to ask about. So, I threw myself into my studies, and played Fearless over and over and over again. Hearing Taylor sing about high school and small towns, was really comforting for me. This album became the soundtrack of that academic year.
It certainly helped that this was also the album that catapulted Taylor Swift to the top of the charts, so it seemed like her music was everywhere. I was so excited when her break-up song "White Horse" was featured on an episode of Grey's Anatomy (which was my favorite show at the time), and the first single, "Love Story", became the song that my roommate, Tiffany, and I most often played when we needed a study break. We always sang our loudest during that key-change in the final bridge-to-chorus: ("He knelt to the ground, and pulled out a ring and said MARRY ME, JULIET! YOU NEVER HAD TO BE ALONE!") The high-school anthem, "You Belong With Me" (which became one of the top songs of 2009), was a second favorite and, to this day, I think it has one of the best melodies that Swift has released. It's just really fun to sing along with! Also, I'm really fond of the lyrics, "And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town." When I first heard those words, I couldn't wait to sing that about someone I really loved.
Of course, Fearless was also the first album that gave the public fodder for the celebrity "Who's Who?" behind the lyrics. In her first album, Taylor sang about guys named Drew and Cory, fellow classmates of hers. You know, before she was famous. It was on Fearless that Taylor wrote about her relationship and break-up with Jo Jonas (of the Disney-endorsed boyband The Jonas Brothers), but I didn't really care about her dating life at that time. I was too busy figuring out my own heart. Freshman year of college brought multiple new crushes and heartbreaks.
As I attended a small Christian college, there was always the buzz about "freshman frenzy", "ring by Spring," "MRS degree", and the coveted "Calvin walk". Though I didn't grow up in Christian culture, where marriage was viewed as something that should be pursued in your early twenties, my incurable romanticism was absolutely encouraged in the setting where so many spoke about finding their husband or wife by twenty-two. I don't know that I necessarily yearned to be a wife or a homemaker at the time, but I desperately wanted love. I wanted to be loved, and to give it. This was a fervent desire that lasted for much of my twenties (and one that led to some pretty disastrous life choices), but when I was at Calvin, my feelings were just exposed and raw, all the time, it seems.
I fell "in love" quickly, and often. I imagined every chance encounter to be the beginning of my own grand love story. I lived as though walking through the pages of my own romance novel, hoping that I'd just causally bump into my soulmate on one of Calvin's picturesque lawns, and I'd forever tell the story of meeting my one true love. There were a lot of guys who caught my attention that first year at Calvin, and all of them had their own Taylor Swift song in my playlist. There was the junior who offered to take my arm and walked me to my dorm one night. And there was the boy I *literally* fell for on my first day on campus, who preferred the company of my roommate. Then there was a guy from my past -- we had gone to church together as kids, and our parents knew each other. (Maybe we'd fall in love and get married in our home church!) And then I met the brooding young writer with soft eyes, and a smoking habit that he was continually trying to break. That one, in particular, was an unrequited love that lasted years. And of course, Taylor always provided the perfect words for my broken heart.
Musically, and lyrically, I don't think that Fearless is the best album that Taylor Swift has to offer. It's definitely the least played in my collection of her music. But I deeply appreciate what it did for her as an artist -- allowing her a more public stage -- and what the album meant for me at a time when everything felt like constant transition and anticipation. And, there are certainly some treasured gems in that tracklist. In 2015, when I met my husband, everything about falling in love was terrifying. Yet David made me feel safe, and treasured. I felt... fearless.
So, one night, while the snow fell around us, we sat in David's car, and I played him the title track from the Fearless album. I told him, before we listened, "These lyrics are exactly how I feel about you."
We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard
not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent-mindedly makin' me want you
And I don't know how
it gets better than this
You take my hand
and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why
but with you I'd dance
In a storm
in my best dress
Fearless
So, thanks, Taylor.
